My daughter, Alexa, and I sat shoulder-to-shoulder in an auditorium buzzing with wide-eyed teens and proud parents. This was it — college, the launchpad for her dreams! Alexa vibrated with excitement, picturing dorm life, new friends, and newfound independence. But as the conversation shifted to credit requirements, paperwork, and deadlines, a flicker of apprehension crossed her face — the daunting realities of college were sinking in.
If you and your teen are facing the same mix of excitement and dread, you’re not alone. In fact, the anxieties you’re both facing are totally normal. As an adolescent psychologist (and a stressed-but-excited mom myself), I see the same big four college stressors pop up repeatedly. Here are my battle-tested strategies to help you and your teen navigate a smooth transition into college life.
1. Major Meltdown
Over half of today’s high school students feel pressured to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.[1] My client, Sarah, spent months agonizing over a major. Her parents, with good intentions, pushed computer science for its stability. But the thought of a screen-filled future left her feeling trapped.
Here’s the surprising truth: this stress is often unnecessary. Only 20% of college students stick with their original major.[2] Less than half end up working in their field of study.[3] And get this: it’s predicted that 85% of the jobs in 2030 haven’t even been invented yet.[4]
Tips to Address the Stress
- Spark Their Curiosity: Focus on what excites your teen today. Encourage them to explore a wide variety of introductory classes. In a world that’s constantly evolving, a well-rounded foundation is invaluable.
- Exploration, Not Destiny: Reassure your teen that choosing a major is a starting point, not a life sentence. College is all about finding the best fit, and with so many exciting possibilities, there are truly no wrong answers.
2. Leaving the Comfort Zone
The excitement of starting college can be tinged with the sadness of leaving behind familiar routines and loved ones. It hit home for me recently when my daughter tearfully confided how much she’s going to miss our family dinners, game nights, and cuddling with our two cats. Homesickness is a common experience for three out of four freshmen, especially during those first few adjustment weeks.[5]
Tips to Address the Stress
- Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their sadness. Let them know it’s okay to feel this way. This helps them process their emotions and move forward.
- Plan to Stay Connected: Schedule regular video chats and plan visits. Care packages, silly postcards, or a shared online journal can also help bridge the distance.
- Build a New “Home”: Encourage your teen to explore clubs and activities at college. Finding a new social circle with shared interests creates a built-in support system.
3. Embracing Independence
Let’s be honest, this stressor often weighs more heavily on parents than teens. We worry that, with their newfound freedom, our teens will end up skipping classes to play video games and eating pizza pockets and cereal for every meal.
Tips to Address the Stress
- Let Them Learn by Doing: Time management, organization, and making good choices are like muscles — they get stronger with exercise! Resist the urge to handle every detail. Missed classes and stomachaches are valuable learning experiences. Over time, they’ll discover what works best for them and build the confidence to tackle future challenges head-on.
- Embrace the Hiccups: Part of letting go is accepting there will be bumps along the road. This is their chance to develop problem-solving skills that will benefit them throughout life. Reassure your teen (and yourself) that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to ask for help when needed.
4. Facing the Unknown
A whopping 85% of freshmen experience some anxiety during the transition to college.[6] From navigating the maze of buildings to taking exams to fitting in, college is full of unfamiliar experiences and new environments.
My client, Maria, went through years of social drama before she found her close friends in high school. The thought of starting over filled her with dread. And Arjun, a high-achieving student, was worried he wouldn’t measure up to the unknown academic challenges that awaited him. Not knowing what to expect can be terrifying.
Tips to Address the Stress
- Set the Stage for Success: Work with your teen to set realistic expectations and goals (both social and academic). This will help them feel empowered and in control.
- Build a Support Team: Remind them that it’s okay to ask for help. Explore the resources available on campus together, like counseling centers, peer support groups, and academic advisors.
- Find Their Tribe: Encourage your teen to check out clubs and organizations that align with their passions. This is a great way to connect with like-minded peers and build a new support system.
Remember, college is a launchpad, not a finish line. Success here goes beyond academics. It’s measured in exploration, growth, and confidence building. By tackling these anxieties together, you can empower your teen to navigate the exciting — and sometimes overwhelming — possibilities that await.
Sources
[1] “What Matters Most to College Admissions Officers?” by National Association for College Admission Counseling, 2023
[2] National Center for Education Statistics
[3] ResumeBuilder.com
[4] “Are College Degrees Still Worth It? Public Views on the Value of Higher Education” by Pew Research Center, 2022
[5] “Homesickness in College Freshmen: A Longitudinal Study” by Lauren C. Byars & Matthew D. Rafanelli, Journal of Adolescent Research, 2022
[6] “First-Year Student Mental Health and Well-Being Report,” Center for Collegiate Mental Health at Penn State University, 2021
