How to Deal with an Empty Nest and the College Transition

We asked parents in our Paying for College 101 Facebook Group for their best advice on navigating the transition to an empty nest. From discovering new hobbies to reframing the way we look at parenthood altogether, some of the answers may surprise you.

Prepare Emotionally

Day-to-day life is certainly going to change once you drop your child off at college, so pretending it’s not happening is just prolonging the inevitable. Instead, acknowledge and accept your feelings about the transition, even if they seem to change from moment to moment. Seek out parents who are in the same situation or have experience with the college transition. Connecting with others who’ve been through it helps you realize that your mixed bag of emotions — fluctuating from joy and excitement to worry and anxiety — is normal.

“My mantra has always been, ‘This was the goal,’ says Erica M. “We had always planned on our daughter going off to college — this was what we wanted.”

Have an Open Mind

Chances are your relationship with your child has been front and center in your life until now. It’s natural for that relationship to change as you both enter a new phase of life. It’s also normal to want to stay close, as long as it’s not so close that they can’t learn to start doing and thinking for themselves.

Communicate regularly through calls, texts, or video chats, but respect their independence. If they don’t call you right back because they’re busy studying or out with new friends, avoid the guilt trip. When you do connect, encourage your student to share their experiences and listen without judgment.

Above all, allow each of you time to adjust to the new roles you’ll play in one another’s lives. A lot of growth and independence comes with the empty nest transition — for both of you. It’s important to celebrate achievements and milestones, no matter how small.

Embrace New Opportunities

When your children transition to college life and you’re dealing with an empty nest for the first time, it could be the perfect time to explore new hobbies, interests, or volunteer opportunities. If there’s anything you’ve been curious to try or do, you’ll likely have more time now to explore it, so why wait?

Of course, you can always fill your home with more things to love.

“Get a puppy!” says mom Kate J. “My youngest insisted we get a puppy for Christmas her senior year. Well, that’s my new baby. If not for him, I might have missed having a kid or two in the house.”

If a new pet isn’t in your plan, there are other great perks to having your kiddo at college.

“I can read on the couch at night without being subjected to ‘Outer Banks’ or whatever TV show my kids are watching,” adds Kate J. “I also have gas in my car when I leave the house and I can listen to my playlists. Oh, and laundry is a half-day event, plus there’s no pile of shoes in random spots around the house.”

Some parents take advantage of their empty nest to further their education. “When my kids went to college, I went back to school (again), too, and it was the best decision I ever made,” says Amy T. “My advice: Reframe the ‘loss’ and ‘ending’ as a gain and a new beginning!”

If going back to school is not in the cards for you, think about hobbies you’ve always been curious about or even volunteering. A recent survey by College Ave of parents of current college students said when their child left for college, around 1 out of 3 (34%) used the extra time for hobbies while 1 out of 5 (21%) spent their extra time volunteering. Think about skills you’ve always wanted to develop, or organizations you are passionate about – now is a great time to dive in.

Reconnect With Your Partner and Friends

Having a little more wiggle room in your schedule means more bonding time with all the other people you love, such as your partner, sibling, or even your friends and neighbors.

From date nights to game nights, this is the moment to reignite the other important relationships in your life. “My husband and I have fun using meal apps to make dining for two easier,” Kate J. says.

Another reason now is a great time for reconnecting: There’s no reason to go through the highs and lows of this transition alone. Having a shoulder to lean on, and someone to spend time with, can make a huge difference in helping you adjust to your new normal.

Set Realistic Expectations

Too many parents assume it will be easy to drop their kids off at college, and others overestimate how sad they’re likely to feel. There’s no one right way to lean into this transition.

Understand that it takes time to adjust to new routines and environments, so the way you feel one moment can change in the next. Be patient with yourself and with your college student during this transition period, and you’ll get through with a lot less stress.

“Try reframing the term ’empty nest’ to ‘open door,'” says Amanda H.R. “It promotes a more positive mindset about your possibilities.”

It’s true; this transition brings with it a slew of possibilities. While it’s a big life transition for parents (and the kids!), it also is an opportunity to focus on your interests and passions that you’ve perhaps put on the back burner during the child-and-teen rearing years. What will spark joy for you? Use this window of opportunity to build new priorities and goals for this next stage of life – It’s up to you to make the most of it!

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